BLOG: Pensions Poetry

In honour of National Poetry Day on 3 October, Pensions Age showcases poems written about pensions

One day you’ll retire, my son.
When you’re 2 you’ll have a piggy bank.
For which you’ll have your folks to thank.
At 5, maybe a pension, maybe a JiSA.
We’re undecided, maybe neither.
By 10, you’ll understand saving.
You’ll want to spend it, but we’ll manage the craving.
At school, you’ll be taught about money.
By 18, an expert, I’m not being funny.
And what will you do at 22?
Be enrolled, that’s what you’ll do.
If you opt out, you’ll be back in at 25.
What a time to be alive.
And an MOT at 50?
That sounds nifty.
At 55 you could take some cash.
Manage your funds, give that a bash.
At 65 you’ll get your pension.
The one from the state, I should probably mention.
Actually, maybe later, at 68.
You’ll just have to wait.
At 75, you’ll crystallise.
The kind of jargon we all despise.
At 80, maybe annuitise.
See what a monthly income buys.
Then at 100, maybe you’ll retire.
At the age of 100, maybe higher...

Standard Life head of global savings policy Jamie Jenkins

Many employees understand the dangers of falling for a scam,
But when it comes to pensions, do they know how to spot a sham?
To help your employees avoid falling victim to losing their pension,
We have provided our top five tips which are worth a mention.

1. Scams look and sound legitimate, to not give anything away,
So employees should check that the company is registered with the FCA.

2. If an investment offers a great opportunity and seems too good to be true,
It’s likely to be a scam, and if they fall for it, there is little they can do.

3. Genuine advisers will never tell individuals to make a decision in a hurry,
So anything promoted as a limited time offer, creates reasons to worry.

4. Pensions can normally only be accessed at age 55 and employees should know all the facts,
So that when someone promises to release their pension early, they will know how to react.

5. Employees need to know where to go if they are in any doubt.

Their workplace is often the first place they will turn to, to help them out.
Now just before we end it there, we want to raise awareness about what employers can do.
This would be to help many employees avoid a scam, and not just a few.
Financial education is key to this as it can highlight the risks employees may face.
So why not consider putting this in place?

WEALTH at work

There was a young lass from Dundee
Who wanted to be a trustee
She’s unlike the others
That band of old brothers
So added some diversity

Dalriada Trustees senior trustee representative Vassos Vassou

A man who had saved all his life
Gave 50 per cent to his wife
He thought that he ought
And so did the Court
It’s sad that divorce is so rife

Spence & Partners director Hugh Nolan

You used to say you loved me, your outpourings were effusive
But over time, the rot set in and those billet doux elusive

With the love we had a distant flame, of those memories I’ve become a hoarder
But now I think it’s time to talk ‘Pension Sharing Order’

MyCSP director of communications and engagement David Boardman

Money for later
Rolling up throughout the years
Old age happiness

Spence & Partners director Hugh Nolan

When I am on a pension
Currently 21 years ahead
I better first mention,
That I hope I won’t be dead.
I’d like to think I’ll be on holiday
And be a local volunteer
Doing social stuff every day
Being kind to those who’re dear.
But when I see the annual statements
From my several pension providers
I fear my estimated pension payments
Will leave me hungry, eating dust and spiders.

Lucy Fry Bespoke Poetry

There was once a man from Lincoln
Who needed a guaranteed income
With freedom and choice
He bought a Rolls Royce
And now he eats out of a tin can

Money Alive CMO Ian Beestin

Tick tock, tick tock, 40 years have passed
The day has come, of which I’ve dreamt, retirement at last
I’m aware of all my benefits, my life before me set
Relax, unwind and rest awhile. Enjoying life? You bet!

MyCSP director of communications and engagement David Boardman

There was an old couple from Keynsham
Who wanted to build an extension
They accessed their cash,
Got stung by the tax,
And have totally ruined their pension

Smart Pension director of policy and communications Darren Philp

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

Part of the poem ‘Warning’ by Jenny Joseph

There was a young man of Devizes,
With pensions of different sizes,
The one that was small was no good at all,
But the other was big and won prizes
Money & Media founder Andrew Michael

If you can keep your head when stock markets fall.
Have other sources of income on which you can call.
If you understand how, tax applies to your stash (excepting of course, upfront tax free cash).
And if ongoing charges don’t make you frown.
Then my dear friend consider drawdown.

Money Alive CMO Ian Beestin

In the complicated world of our pensions
Undoubtedly deserving a mention
Is the complex regulation
Confusing the nation
And causing everyone tension!

Newgate communications senior consultant Joe Cockerline

There’s a sheer inevitability to the setting of the sun
We both accept that day will come when is all said and done

My life with you has been sublime, a joy-filled jubilation
I leave you safe and sound, my dear, my death benefit nomination

MyCSP director of communications and engagement David Boardman

There once was this thing called a pension
That caused me unnecessary tension
Returns were poor
And the charges just soared
But my provider didn't think it worth a mention

Smart Pension director of policy and communications Darren Philp

We are the women born in the 50s,
Who will not falter in our fight.
The government postponed our pension.
This isn’t fair. It isn’t right.

We contributed to this nation,
Our workforce made this country great.
We don’t deserve to be singled out
Told our pensions have to wait.

We enriched the UK’s economy,
As teachers, nurses, mother and wife.
Now a random birth date lottery
Gives us an impoverished life.

We did as the government bade us,
Made sacrifices and paid our due.
Now is the time to repay that debt,
We did our bit. Now it’s up to you.

Pension plea (to the government) by LGBT Poet Laureate 2016-19 Trudy Howson

There was a young man from Oxford
Kept his pension statements in the sideboard
He wondered “If when I’m a hundred and ten
They’ll have launched the first pensions dashboard

Money Alive CMO Ian Beestin

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